Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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