To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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