i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
