wake up i wanna do it froggy style
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
