i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
