She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
