On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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