If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
