mondays should just be called national damage control day
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
