Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
