I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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