I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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