my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
