I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
