guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am spending my child support on dildos
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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