When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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