yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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