walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
