This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
