'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
