im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
