Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
