dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
