This is not my ceiling
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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