I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
