I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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