apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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