hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
