They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
