I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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