you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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