Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
