She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
