I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
