I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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