Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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