Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
