i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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