And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
