You work out of a Hotel?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
