TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
