I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
