I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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