Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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