my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
