white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
