so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
