Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
