Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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