I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
