from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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