When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
