just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
