It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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