I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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