trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
