he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
