Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
