apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
