As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
