I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
