: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
