Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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