Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
