Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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