even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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