I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
