she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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