he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
