3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
