I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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