you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
