If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
