Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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