i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
