Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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